Day 4: Shut out

Waking up this morning I felt full of energy. But mentally, walls are coming down. I don't know if this is due to the diet or what, but this morning was difficult. I'm starting to scratch and claw my way out of this tunnel, focusing on my job and also my "play" time later tonight. Something is going to happen. I don't know if I'll go out driving all night, or running amok through the woods in the snowy forest, or simply playing video games all night. Soemthing will stop me from thinking the crazy thoughts I have.

Menu:
Breakfast: two eggs and three pieces bacon.
Morning and Afternoon snack: 1/4 cup each of almonds and peanuts.
Lunch: Baked chicken salad with ranch. Four cups leafy romaine lettuce.
Dinner: Baked Salmon with asparagus spears.

Workout:
LSD bike 30 minutes, 65% heart rate the whole way.
Frolicing in the woods (maybe.)

Sleep: 6 hours. Woke up from an intense dream and came to work two hours early to try and shake the bad thoughts from the dream.

I ordered the Primal Blueprint today, and am ecstatic to have it coming my way. I can't wait to dive in and soak up all the information it holds. I believe it'll be invaluable to my new lifestyle change. Now I just need to work on not being so moody and stoping these irrational emotional changes.

It's not a bad thing, but yesterday someone triggered the discussion of "regrets." I understand it's unhealthy to have regrets, but something inside me keeps thinking about the cool things that would've happend had a certain situation worked out, etc etc. Well, I've made a decision. I'm a very military-ish guy, and training so hard for the SEALs to all of a sudden find myself in civilian life was tough. I've decided to join the Army and go for their special forces program. There's a lot that has gone into this decision, and I believe it is a decision that was not made lightly. But with everything that's been happening these past few weeks at work and in my personal life, it's time for a big change. Let the training begin.

P.S. I weighed myself this past Monday, and I was at 189.9. I'm going to weigh myself again every Monday morning. I'll roll outta bed, take a pee, then hop on the scale first thing to get the most accurate reading.